Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
