Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
