Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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