I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
