Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
