yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
