He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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