The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
