my phone needs a breathalizer
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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