toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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