You can't special order awesome
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
