Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
