I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
