Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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