every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
