we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
