this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So much rum. So many feels.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
