If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
