The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
