Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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