i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
handjob tips. give me some.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
