hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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