she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
only you would photoshop your dick
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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