dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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