oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
