next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
