It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
