Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
