Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
