Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
