I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
where are my eyebrows?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
