Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
