My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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