Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
True college students do jello shots in the library
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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