i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
