Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
