I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
