John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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