I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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