and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
