You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish my penis had a tongue
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
