So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
