she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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