the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
