You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
