So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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