Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
