You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
