If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
