I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
