What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
