I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
